Martha Stewart Bloopers

I could watch Andre Leon Tally (above left) and Martha Stewart discuss 'Great things that begin with the letter F' (while applying icing to a two-layer cake) ALL DAY.

But my favorite part of this blooper reel comes at the 2:15 mark when Martha jokes about her probation and being fingerprinted. I'd like to see Ina Garten do THAT:

Source

.

I Love Martha Stewart - Part 1,358

My love of Martha Stewart is well documented and knows no bounds. Mind you, I hate organizing, antiquing, crafts, cooking and all that other crap, but I LOVE Martha for doing it. It's almost like she specializes in things like dried floral arrangements just so I don't have to ever worry about them myself.

So I was horrified to find out last night that Martha had been attacked by her French Bulldog, Francesca (above). Actually, Martha is saying it was nothing but a big accident (via Gawker)...

As I leaned down to whisper goodbye to a dozing Francesca, I must have startled her, because she bolted upright with such force that she hit me in the face like a boxing glove hitting an opponent's face. I was entirely startled and my neck snapped back. I felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from my split lip. Frannie was as upset as I was and cowered in her bed.

Martha's driver rushed her to Northern Westchester Hospital, where she got nine stitches and was soon well enough to concentrate on more important issues ...

CLASSIC. Biatch had a face full of blood and Novocaine, but all she could concentrate on was that horrible ceiling border!!! Brava Diva!!!!!! I forever submit to your bitchy fabulousness.

But Michael K over at Dlisted isn't so sure this was an "accident". Michael thinks this could be payback for dressing up Francesca like THIS...

I Love Martha Stewart - Post #3985

Martha Stewart claims her typo-laden tweets from a cocktail event at the New York Botanical Gardens were NOT a result of her beloved vodka, but if history is any indication - she was probably loaded. As she should be ...

Via Huffington Post.

Martha Stewart Getting Drunk In Brooklyn

Many of you know how much I love Martha Stewart - but this video somehow made me love her even more. Watch her get sloshed (Martha LOVES a good cocktail) in Brooklyn with her two new Gays. My favorite part is when the bartender disses her beloved Vodka ...

Fo Shizzle

Martha Stewart was happy to add Snoop's special brownie recipe to her repertoire.  EXTREMELY happy...

Happy Birthday to Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart (who turns 69 today) is one of those people you either love or hate - I happen to fall into the "love" category.  She's a perfectionist, she's pretentious, and she can be an utter biatch - but Martha embraces these character traits and has made a fortune because of them.  Martha Stewart doesn't try to be something she's not, which has worked quite well for her thus far.

And let's not forget that Ms. Stewart served 5 months in federal prison (on some B.S. charges I might add) without crying or moaning about it - unlike these messy D-list starlets who sob at the thought of a WEEKEND in lockup.  Martha could teach Lindsay a thing or two about "manning up" - and then she could show her how to make a lovely dried floral arrangement for her foyer (pronouced "FOY-yay" - learn it).  Although Linds would probably end up smoking the dried hydrangea...

Anywhore, check out this video of outtakes/bloopers from Martha Stewart's TV show, when things didn't go exactly as Martha had planned...

  

Martha Stewart: Straight-Up Gangsta

Don't mess...

Martha Stewart: Rachael Ray Is NOT A Good Thing

I have always loved Martha Stewart. Rachael Ray? ... not so much. So when I read about Martha telling it like it T-I-IS about Ms. Ray, I was absolutely thrilled.

In an interview with Nightline, former Federal Prison Inmate No. 55170-054 didn't hold back...

Stewart said "Well, to me, [Rachael Ray] professed that she could -- cannot bake. She -- just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She -- and that's not good enough for me."

Martha added that writing a cookbook is "a unique and lasting thing. Something that will really fulfill a need in someone's library. Rachael is different. She is more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be."

Oh, that is simply delicious. NO ONE does superior beeyotch better than Martha. And I love how she uses the terms "bubbly" and "entertainer" but we all know she actually meant "loathsome" and "dirtyroadwhore".

BTW - could these two women look any LESS comfortable in that picture (top)? Rachael looks like she wants to run, and Martha looks like she is ready to squash a bug.

Whatever, Martha!

I watched one of the most hysterical television shows yesterday - and the star of this show was actually Martha Stewart.

More specifically, the show, called Whatever, Martha!, is based entirely on MAKING FUN of Martha Stewart. And believe it or not, it was created by Martha and is hosted by Martha's daughter Alexis.

Here is the deal. Remember the old show Mystery Science Theater 3000, where the host (and his 2 robot co-hosts) watched an old B-movie and talked shit about the movie for our enjoyment? Martha got the idea for Whatever, Martha! a couple of years ago while watching reruns of MST3K.

Each Whatever, Martha! episode features two old Martha Stewart Living segments. During each, Alexis and Jennifer talk smack during the segment - especially skewering Martha herself. "No shit, Sherlock!" Alexis exclaims as Martha makes an obvious point. "She's doing math now, that's when I stop listening" Alexis says later. The younger Stewart even talks about her need for "Therapists" (plural) as a result of her mother's upbringing. And they REALLY talk smack about Martha's hair and wardrobe.

I guess the ONLY people who could get away with this are the two hosts of Whatever, Martha! - Alexis Stewart (Martha's daughter), and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt (daughter of Martha Stewart Omnimedia Chairman Charles Koppelman). Let me tell you, these two bitches are FUNNY, and they don't hold back. Although the fact that Martha never actually appears in the studio with them probably makes it a little safer.


Martha isn't the only one who is lampooned. I laughed hysterically during the segment where Martha interviewed a gentleman who collected twine. Yes, as in STRING. Jennifer spent the entire segment dissing Mr. Twine, while Alexis seemed to empathize with him. I was just happy for the commercials so I could catch my breath from laughing so hard...

As much as they ridicule Martha (Alexis usually refers to her mother as "Martha" - which I'm sure she has discussed with her plural therapists), the show doesn't in any way come across as mean-spirited. It becomes very obvious that Alexis really does love her Mom, but recognizes that her mother offers MANY comedic opportunities. And Jennifer is the perfect sidekick - and is just as funny as her friend Alexis. The two of them seem like two beeyotches you'd want to go get drunk with.

The half-hour show airs on the Fine Living channel - so if you have Fine Living, you MUST watch Whatever, Martha!

Martha On Top Chef - Tonight!

Yes darling Dust Bunnies, Martha Stewart will appear on Top Chef tonight! I know I'm probably in the minority here, but I've ALWAYS loved Martha. And I loved her even more when they made her do HARD TIME and the bitch didn't complain. She's a trooper! You can take the girl out of Nutley, New Jersey (and pretend she's from Connecticut), but you can NEVER take the Jersey out of the girl. And I bet Martha now has at least 56 recipes for Top Ramen noodles and Spam that she didn't have before prison.

Unfortunately, my other favorite girls (Gail Simmons and her Boobies) are taking a little hiatus from Top Chef (it was filmed this summer right before her August wedding). So I'll have to make due with this "Melon Montage" from this past episode...

Seriously - those are some top-notch Knockers. Also, if you'd like to be nosy and take a look at Gail & Jeremy's Bloomingdale's and Williams-Sonoma Wedding Registry, click HERE.

As far as my recap goes - I'll have to see how it goes. I have big events on Thursday evening and Friday afternoon - so I will TRY and get my recap done early tomorrow, before all the drama begins. If not, I might not be able to post it until Friday night or Saturday.