The one person who benefitted from Michael Jackson's death yesterday was South Carolina Governor Mark Sandford (R-Argentina). Almost immediately the press stopped talking about the horny Governor's affair and focused on The King of Pop's death.
Although Sanford has said he will not resign, let's take a look at the man who would replace him - Lt. Governor André Bauer (above). Dust Bunny Grady sent me an email yesterday saying that his Gaydar went off-the-charts when he looked into the handsome, unmarried 40 year old - and I agree. So let's do a little bit of baseless stereotyping, shall we?!? After all, we're all just a bunch of Godless Homersexticals (or Whores) around here, so what do we have to lose?...
First of all - the Lieutenant Governor's name is André, for Liza's sake! There hasn't been a straight André since André The Giant (who DID prance around in tights ... hmmmm?).
Secondly, Mr. Bauer (R-Chelsea) seems to like spending time in the gym...
..and he jogs to keep himself fit and trim.
He also hangs out with butch-looking women...
André has been known to wear festive gowns...
... and has been known to enjoy some man-on-man lovin' while wearing said gowns.
And who is THIS handsome gentleman with André? I swear, I think the guy on the left and I hooked up once - so André needs to keep his hands off my man. Don't make me cut a Lt. Gov. beeyotch.
Finally, it seems Mr. Bauer has a little bit of a uniform fetish...
So, based on this extremely scientifical evidence, what do you think? I say: Gay Gay GAY!
