My liver function tests keep coming back with red exclamation marks, so yesterday my doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound to take a look at what's going on. Won't everyone be surprised when they find Franky G's immaculately-conceived baby growing in my tummy!
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| MAURY says: "Franky G, you ARE the father!" |
Until my ultrasound (on Wednesday), I'm forbidden from drinking - since Bacardi Limon and Livers get along like Sarah Palin and Facts. In fact, I haven't had even a sip of hooch since brunch on May 8th. Not that I'm counting or anything...
In other news, my blood pressure - after being normal for years (despite my 'morbid obesity' - yes, that's what it says on my chart), has increased the past 3 doctor visits. So now I'm taking blood pressure medication - yet another pill to add to the daily regimen.
Also, my doctor is referring me to a Shrink, so we can figure out which variety of Crazy Pills are the best for me. But Dr. Crazy better not even THINK about dealing with my Franky G delusions - I'd prefer to keep those just the way they are, thankyouverymuch.
And, finally, I'm still wrangling with teeth issues, which - as Jeebus is my witness - will also be handled next week.
And, finally, I'm still wrangling with teeth issues, which - as Jeebus is my witness - will also be handled next week.
Bottom line: My liver drama and high blood pressure are probably a result of me weighing 300 pounds (see "Morbid Obesity", above). So, yeah, I should probably do something about that before I drop dead.
Unless, of course, I AM pregnant - then we'll blame Franky G and his baby for this enormous belly.
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