Oh HELL No...

Featured Model - Hivo Gonzalez

"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake." 

... W. C. Fields

Hivo Gonzalez, 25, is a model, personal trainer and life-long resident of Miami, Florida.

Model Mayhem Profile

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Anyone Speak Parseltongue ??

From Gothamist:

New York's Bronx Zoo has shut down the World of Reptiles after a poisonous Egyptian cobra went missing Friday afternoon. The 20-inch cobra was being held at an off-exhibit enclosure that is not open to the public.

Yikes! I guess the next time Maddie and I go to the Zoo, we'll have to wear our specially-made Pith Helmets - which come equipped with sophisticated reptile-tracking radar:

Sounds Like A Job For Rikki-Tikki-Tavi

I was 8 years old in 1975 when the Chuck Jones TV special, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi aired - and I've loved it ever since. The story, based on a section of Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book, tells the tale of a fearless mongoose - Rikki-Tikki-Tavi - and his epic battle against two of India's meanest cobras - Nag and Nagaina.

So ever since 1975, any time I hear a story about snake infestaions, I alway think to myself "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi could take care of that!" This was the exact reaction I had today when I read about this house (above) in Idaho which is infested with THOUSANDS of snakes!

   

Gross! But TRUST - Rikki could totally handle that mess. Check him out in the orignal 1975 animated story I fell in love with as a child:

 

Killer Hippie Shopping Bags!!!

Like we don't have ENOUGH to worry about here in New York City - The Rent Is Too Damn High®, there are alligators in the sewers and even snakes in our toilets. Not to mention the occasional Sasquatch Kardashian sighting on the subway...

And now we find out those synthetic shopping bags that wealthy Hippies love to take to Whole Foods ARE MADE IN CHINA AND ARE FULL OF LEAD!!!

I guess Trade Fair was on the right track after all.

Real Live Snakes In The Plumbing!

What is going on in NYC? First they locate and apprehend a real sewer alligator in my Queens neighborhood, and then a Bronx man finds a 3-foot-long Corn Snake relaxing on his toilet seat!

According to the New York Daily News, Corn Snakes are fairly docile and nonvenomous. But the newspaper also stated that the snake probably entered the apartment via the plumbing! Another Urban Myth turns out to be true, making me consider moving out to the country where the most dangerous things are Teabaggers.

Oy ... I'm going to have a hard time relaxing in the john for a while. Maybe I'll just concentrate on this picture of NYPD Officer Carlos Hotpapi showing off his enormous snake. Look at the size of his snake ... and how it just dangles there. Wow ... I wonder if Officer Hotpapi needs any help with that big thing? ...

Gee, I feel better already.

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Showing Off His Snake...

Hmmmmm .... I kinda thought it would be bigger.  And it seems like the girls in the photo agree.