Last week, in one of the most yawn-inducing challenges in Project Runway history (“Make Something Blue”), Irina won – and “Nice Kenley” Louise was sent home. And since Louise and I are now buddies on Twatter Twitter, this give me the sad face :(
Last night’s episode begins back in the apartments, where Carol Hannah says she is also sad-faced about Louise. Gordana, on the other hand, is giving us her immigrant’s tale: “I come to America wit nutting … now I have ehbreeting. WAT A COUNTRY!”. Finally, Irina – who has won the last two challenges – thinks that people are talking about her behind her back. The funny thing is, IRINA is the only one who seems to talk stank about the others. And as a snarky Recapper, I thank her for that.
But over on the boy’s side, Logan IS talking behind Irina’s back (!) about how “she acts like she’s better” than the rest of them. Christopher, after having an Andrae-worthy breakdown on the runway last time, vows to “pick himself up” this week. He will survive. He will survive. As long as he knows how tolove sew, he knows he’ll stay alive. He’s got all his life to live, and all his love to give. Christopher will survive.
On the runway, Heidi surprises the Fashiontestants with “new models”. From backstage come nine women wearing wedding dresses. It turns out these women are all divorced, and the designers must turn their wedding dresses into “hip, wearable outfits”.
The divorcees introduce themselves one-by-one. First of all, there is one lady who has been divorced for 16 years – why is she still holding onto her wedding dress? Hoarder!!! Secondly, there is one gal – Stephanie – who has been divorced for 14 years. And apparently “Renaissance Faire Bride” was BIG in 1995 – because this is pretty close to what she looks like…
Last night’s episode begins back in the apartments, where Carol Hannah says she is also sad-faced about Louise. Gordana, on the other hand, is giving us her immigrant’s tale: “I come to America wit nutting … now I have ehbreeting. WAT A COUNTRY!”. Finally, Irina – who has won the last two challenges – thinks that people are talking about her behind her back. The funny thing is, IRINA is the only one who seems to talk stank about the others. And as a snarky Recapper, I thank her for that.
But over on the boy’s side, Logan IS talking behind Irina’s back (!) about how “she acts like she’s better” than the rest of them. Christopher, after having an Andrae-worthy breakdown on the runway last time, vows to “pick himself up” this week. He will survive. He will survive. As long as he knows how to
On the runway, Heidi surprises the Fashiontestants with “new models”. From backstage come nine women wearing wedding dresses. It turns out these women are all divorced, and the designers must turn their wedding dresses into “hip, wearable outfits”.
The divorcees introduce themselves one-by-one. First of all, there is one lady who has been divorced for 16 years – why is she still holding onto her wedding dress? Hoarder!!! Secondly, there is one gal – Stephanie – who has been divorced for 14 years. And apparently “Renaissance Faire Bride” was BIG in 1995 – because this is pretty close to what she looks like…
Irina gets to pick her “model” first – and she chooses the woman with the biggest dress. Everyone else seems to follow suit – the more material, the better. Shirin picks last, and she ends up with the woman who has the smallest dress and thus the least amount of fabric.
They head back to the workroom for sketching. Tim Gunn announces that the winner of this challenge will have immunity (He/She Will Survive … at least another week!!) – the last immunity of the season.
The divorcees come in to discuss with their designers. Renaissance Faire Stephanie wants to make sure her dress is “cruelty-free” (a Vegan dress?). “No animals have to suffer … yeeeaahh!”, Stephanie says to Nicolas (her designer). The animals may not suffer, but with Nicolas at the helm I have a feeling our eyeballs MAY suffer.
Shirin’s divorcee – “Charlie” – is a performer, and she wants something “superfly”. Unfortunately Shirin doesn’t have enough fabric to create this…
But maybe she could just do the hat. After discussing, it becomes apparent that Charlie wants a circa-1970’s “Half-Breed” Cher outfit – complete with headdress. Seriously…
But, then again, don’t we all want that? Let’s be honest here. BTW, I thought they officially changed the name of Cher’s song “Half-Breed” to “Mixed-Race”...
Mixed-race! That's all I ever heardMixed-race! How I learned to hate the word
Mixed-race! She's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born…
Although it's not nearly as catchy as the original.
Time for a quick trip to Mood for $25 worth of trimmings, superfly rhinestones, and Indian Native American headdress feathers. They are also permitted to purchase 2 yards of additional fabric.
Workroom mini-recap: Carol-Hannah makes a living out of creating wedding dresses, so it seems weird destroying one. Irina, however, finds the idea “empowering”. Epperson has decided to use as little of the actual dress as possible. Unfortunately the challenge is to USE the old wedding dress as much as possible to create a new design – not “Make a new outfit out of $25 worth of rhinestones and feathers from Mood”. This is going to be a problem.
An emotional Gordana gets a chance to call her family back home, but no one picks up – so she leaves a pretty unsettling message on someone’s voicemail.
Gordana: [[Sob, sob, waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh … gulp]] “Hi guys.” [[sob, gulp, snot, sob]] “Having a good time … wish you were here” [[moan, cry, snot, moan, cry]]. “Ok, I guess you’re not there … I’ll just go back to being all alone in a strange city.” [[waaaaaaaaahhhhh, cry, snot, bawl]] “But I’ll be okay – don’t worry about me”. [[hangs up the phone]].
OMG – if I received a voicemail like that from a family member, I would be calling 911, the FBI, CSI Miami, NCIS, JAG, Missing Persons (the band – just for kicks), Psychic John Edward, Oprah and Dr. Phil. All hands on deck, bitches.
Tim visits the workroom. He heads over to Christopher first and immediately states that he’s worried about his design. Christopher assures Tim that the dress in front of him is just “infrastructure”, and literally the base of something fabulous. Yeah, and last week Christopher reinvented the shirt-dress. As Tim would say: "I'm dubious".
Tim visits Irina, and really likes the “gorgeous color” she was able to dye the 100% acetate fabric. Athough “don’t put a match near it”, Tim wisely advises. However, I do sense that Tim would like to torch a few of these other messes.
Speaking of … Epperson is struggling with a design that Tim calls “lab-coaty”. Epperson explains to Tim how he doesn’t want to actually use the wedding dress in the “Use a Wedding Dress To Create a New Dress” challenge. Tim patiently explains that the wedding dress should be the “core of the look”. I will add “Duh!”, because you know Tim wanted to say it.
Logan, too, is basing his look around non-wedding dress fabric. In particular, a pair of wool trousers – made from fabric he bought at Mood. Tim is “worried”, but maybe Logan will wear his Magical Shiny Pants on the runway and brainwash the judges again.
Tim visits Gordana, and loves what he sees. But Tim usually likes Gordana’s efforts, only to see the judges rip her to shreds on the runway. Maybe Gordana needs to borrow those shiny pants.
Finally, Tim visits the normally-perky Shirin – who has had it with her superfly client Charlie. When Shirin tells Tim about Charlie’s desire for a show-stopping “Half Breed Dark Lady Gypsies Tramps and Thieves – The Remix” outfit – Tim tells her that CHARLIE isn’t the one in at risk of going home. He tells Shirin to start over and re-think her design.
As a result, Shirin decides to use stitching to create an interesting design on her white fabric – and starts sewing furiously. Also, Epperson finally figures out that he “misunderstood the challenge”, and he changes his design. Maybe he could do a nice last-minute Ra'mon ju'mpsuit?...
The divorcees come in for a fitting, and for the most part they seem happy with their new outfits. Shirin’s model, Charlie, is being a pain in the ass – but Shirin seems to be tuning her out. Shirin says that at this point the challenge is NOT about Charlie’s new life – it’s about Shirin’s need to stay in the competition. Shirin will survive … she will survive … hey hey.
The next morning is Runway Day – and the designers are in panic mode. Logan and Shirin both have a ton of work to do – and Epperson keeps “fluffing” his outfit, which he is “not confident” about. Well, if this designing thing doesn’t work out, Epperson can always be a full-time Fluffer.
Anywhore, Tim Gunn enters and pays the bills (shout-outs to L’Oreal, Garnier, Macy’s, and Marshmallow Fluff).
The divorcees come in and put on their new dresses. Charlie is grilling Shirin: Did she work up until midnight? Yes. Does the dress make her look like a linebacker? No. Can you make the dress shorter? Ho. I mean, NO.
Epperson’s divorcee likes her dress, as do the other ladies around her. Christopher’s divorcee states that she doesn’t want to look like a “fat grandma”. Luckily for her, she ends up looking like a shiny, crumpled, SKINNY grandma.
Nicolas decides that honesty is not the best policy and lies to his client. “This outfit is SO YOU!”, he exclaims. Only if by “so you” he means “lordthatsugly”. Renaissance Faire Stephanie, his client, buys it and decides she loves Nicolas and wants to have his child. Methinks Stephanie did a lot of drugs back in the day and was having some kind of hippie Summer of Love flashback. I mean, has she SEEN Nicolas?...
Another blogger once described Nicolas as “moist”, which completely cracked me up. Nicolas IS moist, and not in a delicious Duncan-Hines kinda way – his moistness is more of a “mildewy public restroom” thing.
Anymoistwhore, it’s time for the runway show. Heidi introduces this week’s Judges: Michael Kor(ange)s, the hot dog vender lady who parks her cart in front of Marie Claire headquarters, and Jimmy Choo co-founder and obvious plastic surgery fan Tamara Mellon.
The divorcees walk – and after the show Heidi tells Carol Hannah, Althea, and Nicolas (?!?) that they are safe. This leaves Gordana, Shirin, and Irina in the Likee category – and Christopher, Logan, and Epperson in the No Likee category.
The judges grill the designers. They love Gordana’s edgy, chic, and flattering dress. They also love how Irina turned her acetate lace extravaganza into something wearable and cute. Finally, they like what Shirin came up with – even though Charlie had initially wanted a Cher Half-Breed outfit. Michael Kors seems a little sad not to see a feathered headdress, saying he loves a girl having “aMixed-Race Half-Breed moment”. Again I ask: who doesn’t?
On the other hand, they HATE Christopher’s dress. He has tried to create an outfit that his actress-client can wear to industry functions. Michael Kors advises against it – describing the dress as “tin foil” and a “Metallic Hefty Bag”. Apparently Kors doesn’t have to plug the Glad Family of Products now that Project Runway has moved to Lifetime. Besides, “Metallic Glad Bag” sounds kind of cute.
They also no likee Epperson’s dress, and Heidi harasses him for misunderstanding the challenge. She calls his dress “German Oktoberfest”, and she’s right…
Although Tamara Mellow calls it “Pirate’s Wench” – which is also accurate. Make Epperson walk the plank!!
Finally, they speak to Logan (sans shiny pants – uh oh). Heidi thinks the blouse is also very Oktoberfestive, and Kors says the trousers look like his client ran away in the middle of a fitting. Tamara, in all seriousness, calls the trousers a “tragedy”. No, a “tragedy” is what happened to the Titanic, Logan’s trousers are merely “tragic”. Learn it.
The designers go backstage and the judges discuss. Blah, blah, blah, matronly, blah blah worse-dressed list, blah trousers, Oktoberfest, tragedy, blah blah blah.
Time for the results. Shirin is safe and Gordana is the winner. Gordana will have immunity (She will survive) another week. WAT A COUNTRY!!...
Irina is also safe, which leaves nothing but boys on the runway: Christopher, Logan, and Epperson. Christopher is safe, meaning that one of the straight guys will be leaving. In the end, Logan’s cuteness may have saved him again (even without the shiny pants) – because Epperson is sent home for his Oktoberfrightfest Pirate's Wench outfit...
Workroom mini-recap: Carol-Hannah makes a living out of creating wedding dresses, so it seems weird destroying one. Irina, however, finds the idea “empowering”. Epperson has decided to use as little of the actual dress as possible. Unfortunately the challenge is to USE the old wedding dress as much as possible to create a new design – not “Make a new outfit out of $25 worth of rhinestones and feathers from Mood”. This is going to be a problem.
An emotional Gordana gets a chance to call her family back home, but no one picks up – so she leaves a pretty unsettling message on someone’s voicemail.
Gordana: [[Sob, sob, waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh … gulp]] “Hi guys.” [[sob, gulp, snot, sob]] “Having a good time … wish you were here” [[moan, cry, snot, moan, cry]]. “Ok, I guess you’re not there … I’ll just go back to being all alone in a strange city.” [[waaaaaaaaahhhhh, cry, snot, bawl]] “But I’ll be okay – don’t worry about me”. [[hangs up the phone]].
OMG – if I received a voicemail like that from a family member, I would be calling 911, the FBI, CSI Miami, NCIS, JAG, Missing Persons (the band – just for kicks), Psychic John Edward, Oprah and Dr. Phil. All hands on deck, bitches.
Tim visits the workroom. He heads over to Christopher first and immediately states that he’s worried about his design. Christopher assures Tim that the dress in front of him is just “infrastructure”, and literally the base of something fabulous. Yeah, and last week Christopher reinvented the shirt-dress. As Tim would say: "I'm dubious".
Tim visits Irina, and really likes the “gorgeous color” she was able to dye the 100% acetate fabric. Athough “don’t put a match near it”, Tim wisely advises. However, I do sense that Tim would like to torch a few of these other messes.
Speaking of … Epperson is struggling with a design that Tim calls “lab-coaty”. Epperson explains to Tim how he doesn’t want to actually use the wedding dress in the “Use a Wedding Dress To Create a New Dress” challenge. Tim patiently explains that the wedding dress should be the “core of the look”. I will add “Duh!”, because you know Tim wanted to say it.
Logan, too, is basing his look around non-wedding dress fabric. In particular, a pair of wool trousers – made from fabric he bought at Mood. Tim is “worried”, but maybe Logan will wear his Magical Shiny Pants on the runway and brainwash the judges again.
Tim visits Gordana, and loves what he sees. But Tim usually likes Gordana’s efforts, only to see the judges rip her to shreds on the runway. Maybe Gordana needs to borrow those shiny pants.
Finally, Tim visits the normally-perky Shirin – who has had it with her superfly client Charlie. When Shirin tells Tim about Charlie’s desire for a show-stopping “Half Breed Dark Lady Gypsies Tramps and Thieves – The Remix” outfit – Tim tells her that CHARLIE isn’t the one in at risk of going home. He tells Shirin to start over and re-think her design.
As a result, Shirin decides to use stitching to create an interesting design on her white fabric – and starts sewing furiously. Also, Epperson finally figures out that he “misunderstood the challenge”, and he changes his design. Maybe he could do a nice last-minute Ra'mon ju'mpsuit?...
The divorcees come in for a fitting, and for the most part they seem happy with their new outfits. Shirin’s model, Charlie, is being a pain in the ass – but Shirin seems to be tuning her out. Shirin says that at this point the challenge is NOT about Charlie’s new life – it’s about Shirin’s need to stay in the competition. Shirin will survive … she will survive … hey hey.
The next morning is Runway Day – and the designers are in panic mode. Logan and Shirin both have a ton of work to do – and Epperson keeps “fluffing” his outfit, which he is “not confident” about. Well, if this designing thing doesn’t work out, Epperson can always be a full-time Fluffer.
Anywhore, Tim Gunn enters and pays the bills (shout-outs to L’Oreal, Garnier, Macy’s, and Marshmallow Fluff).
The divorcees come in and put on their new dresses. Charlie is grilling Shirin: Did she work up until midnight? Yes. Does the dress make her look like a linebacker? No. Can you make the dress shorter? Ho. I mean, NO.
Epperson’s divorcee likes her dress, as do the other ladies around her. Christopher’s divorcee states that she doesn’t want to look like a “fat grandma”. Luckily for her, she ends up looking like a shiny, crumpled, SKINNY grandma.
Nicolas decides that honesty is not the best policy and lies to his client. “This outfit is SO YOU!”, he exclaims. Only if by “so you” he means “lordthatsugly”. Renaissance Faire Stephanie, his client, buys it and decides she loves Nicolas and wants to have his child. Methinks Stephanie did a lot of drugs back in the day and was having some kind of hippie Summer of Love flashback. I mean, has she SEEN Nicolas?...
Another blogger once described Nicolas as “moist”, which completely cracked me up. Nicolas IS moist, and not in a delicious Duncan-Hines kinda way – his moistness is more of a “mildewy public restroom” thing.
Anymoistwhore, it’s time for the runway show. Heidi introduces this week’s Judges: Michael Kor(ange)s, the hot dog vender lady who parks her cart in front of Marie Claire headquarters, and Jimmy Choo co-founder and obvious plastic surgery fan Tamara Mellon.
The divorcees walk – and after the show Heidi tells Carol Hannah, Althea, and Nicolas (?!?) that they are safe. This leaves Gordana, Shirin, and Irina in the Likee category – and Christopher, Logan, and Epperson in the No Likee category.
The judges grill the designers. They love Gordana’s edgy, chic, and flattering dress. They also love how Irina turned her acetate lace extravaganza into something wearable and cute. Finally, they like what Shirin came up with – even though Charlie had initially wanted a Cher Half-Breed outfit. Michael Kors seems a little sad not to see a feathered headdress, saying he loves a girl having “a
On the other hand, they HATE Christopher’s dress. He has tried to create an outfit that his actress-client can wear to industry functions. Michael Kors advises against it – describing the dress as “tin foil” and a “Metallic Hefty Bag”. Apparently Kors doesn’t have to plug the Glad Family of Products now that Project Runway has moved to Lifetime. Besides, “Metallic Glad Bag” sounds kind of cute.
They also no likee Epperson’s dress, and Heidi harasses him for misunderstanding the challenge. She calls his dress “German Oktoberfest”, and she’s right…
Although Tamara Mellow calls it “Pirate’s Wench” – which is also accurate. Make Epperson walk the plank!!
Finally, they speak to Logan (sans shiny pants – uh oh). Heidi thinks the blouse is also very Oktoberfestive, and Kors says the trousers look like his client ran away in the middle of a fitting. Tamara, in all seriousness, calls the trousers a “tragedy”. No, a “tragedy” is what happened to the Titanic, Logan’s trousers are merely “tragic”. Learn it.
The designers go backstage and the judges discuss. Blah, blah, blah, matronly, blah blah worse-dressed list, blah trousers, Oktoberfest, tragedy, blah blah blah.
Time for the results. Shirin is safe and Gordana is the winner. Gordana will have immunity (She will survive) another week. WAT A COUNTRY!!...
Irina is also safe, which leaves nothing but boys on the runway: Christopher, Logan, and Epperson. Christopher is safe, meaning that one of the straight guys will be leaving. In the end, Logan’s cuteness may have saved him again (even without the shiny pants) – because Epperson is sent home for his Oktoberfrightfest Pirate's Wench outfit...
Next week on Project Runway: they design for Cristina Aguilera! Bob Mackie guest-judges! And Meana Garzilla is back!! This is all I wrote in my notes when I saw her on my TV screen: “Nina, Bitches!” Learn it.
