Last week on Project Runway: Brooke Shields was a fashion icon(?), Keith was the winner, Terri questioned Suede’s anatomy, another white girl went home, and we found out that Kenley (aka Stankley) prefers to laugh AT you and not with you…
It’s morning in Manhattan, and it looks like someone tainted Stella’s heroin with Drāno. Seriously, someone poke her and see if she’s still with us. Otherwise, next week’s challenge will be: “design an outfit to wear to a junkie’s funeral”.
Onto the runway we go. Heidi introduces this week’s special guest – Season 4 designer Chris March. Chris comes out in Disco Viking Drag – and gives us his signature laugh and a cheerful “Hey Guys!”.
This week’s challenge will be to design an over-the-top look for a drag queen. One by one the “ladies” introduce themselves and then the designers get to pick their clients in random order. Here are some of the matchups:
Tango and Miss Understood, who “eats sequins for breakfast”. I wonder if she has a taste for “gay little grommets”?
Sweetie (“New York’s big-titted honky soul mama”) and Korto. “Watch out, it might rot your teeth”, Sweetie warns when Korto announces that she likes sweets.
Hedda Lettuce – professional camera-whore and comedienne – with Suede. Hedda wants Suede to make her as pretty as Heidi, or she’ll kill him. It looks like I may not have to neck-stab Suede after all…
Annida Greenkard and Daniel. Daniel picks Annida because he likes the Spanish aristocratic vibe she projects. That’s funny, she’s projecting “Guatemalan Tranny Hooker” to me.
Sherry Vine and Keith. Keith does his usual ass-kiss and picks Sherry for her “sexy legs”. I’m sorry, but it looks like those knobby knees have been ‘road tested’ – up and down the West Side Piers.
Acid Betty and Terri. Terri LOVES drag queens and I love Terri more and more each week. Betty describes herself as the fiercest “hybrid drag queen”. With gas prices these days, do you blame her?
Finally, the fabulous Varla Jean Merman and Average Joe. Varla moved to NYC a couple of years after I did. She was fat and raunchy - now she’s svelte and lady-like. It seems that she and I have done the old switcheroo – I used to be svelte and lady-like, and now I’m fat and raunchy. Ain’t life funny?
Back in the workroom, Tim gives the designers some advice: follow your client’s individual persona, and go over the top. And after all is said and done, the outfits will be auctioned off to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. They will have 30 minutes to meet with their clients, and then $200 to spend at Mood.
The girls enter, and Hedda immediately starts screaming Suede’s name. She is NOT going to let her 15 minutes of national television exposure pass her by. Hedda has a few simple requests regarding her outfit: shiny, pop, glamour, rainbows, Surround Sound, unicorns, Gossip Girl logos, and WiFi access – all done tastefully, of course. Miss Understood lovingly suggests a simple bag for Hedda’s face.
Varla meets with Joe – and Average Joe is now Overwhelmed Joe. He doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. But I will tell you this: Joe resembles every “straight” guy who ever walked into a Tranny Bar in order to find a “lady”. Joe tries to keep himself focused by saying this will be like designing a Halloween costume for his daughter. Just keep repeating that to yourself Joe, and maybe the swelling in your pants will go down…
Daniel wants to do a couture version of a flamenco dancer, Korto is giving “full-sized” Sweetie some full-sized flames, and Stella wants to “grommet everything” for Luisa Verde. Off they go to Mood for shopping.
At Mood, the Sequins and Lamé Department gets ransacked, and Terri gives us a “cha-ching-ching-CHING!” as she spends her last dollar at the register. Someone give homegirl her own show – NOW.
Back in the workroom, Average Joe has turned into Tranny Joe and has put on Varla’s bra and boobs. Joe even gives us a convincing “You better work!”. He better keep thinking about that daughter, because I do NOT want to see Joe’s hairy ass in leather chaps at next year’s Gay Pride Parade.
My girl Terri is working on the serious tip. She has dealt with drag queens before – and she knows they are NO JOKE. Terri is doing an 80’s punk kimono and leggings for Acid Betty – the “hybrid” drag queen. And by “hybrid”, Betty means: “I don’t feel like wearing boobs so I’ll pretend to be androgynous”. Lazy queen…
We get our usual Tangolicious montage – and it’s as annoying as ever. Tango is SUCH a Mango wannabe – even reenacting the “what would your drag name be?” conversation from last season. Korto had the best answer: “Annoyedlicious”. Even “Silent Fashion Assassin” Leanne has had enough. Tango better watch out or Leanne might silently sneak into his room one night and cut out his voiceboxalicious.
Day number 2 rolls around, and we have the WTF moment of the episode: Suede claims to have a vision. A vision of his garden-loving grandfather. And in this vision, Suede’s grandfather was scattering seeds. Bibb lettuce seeds, to be exact. And this, somehow, prompts Suede to make gloves with little Brussels Sprouts on them for Hedda. I would have paid money if Terri would have said “Girl, you have done gone and lost your mind!”. But Terri stays silent, and Suede continues sewing.
The models come in for a fitting – and this time they’re out of drag and unrecognizable. Tango said that Alex (Miss Understood) is a “normal, short little Mexican dude”. Good Lord, that means we have one Guatemalan and one Mexican up in here – does Lou Dobbs know about this?!? What happened to protecting our borders from these sequined savages?!?
Acid Betty is certainly not Ugly Betty – he’s actually a very attractive man. Those hybrids are SHARP – and economical! And Varla Jean has some ideas for Joe – I wonder if any of them involve his tongue?…
JerHell’s model LeMay keeps talking about her “gorgeous face”, similar to Daniel talking about his “impeccable taste” or Joe’s “love of vagina”. JerHell isn’t taking any chances, and is creating a huge collar to try and hide his client’s ‘beautiful’ face.
Hedda is NOT happy with her outfit – saying it looks “barnacle-ly” and “Godzilla-ish”. Or was that Godzillalicious? Hedda accuses Suede of being too lazy to make sleeves – creating gloves instead. Suede is so upset, he gives up the 3rd-person-speak completely. Hedda explains that she is making these suggestions “out of love … just get it right!” Terri overhears their exchange and finally gives us a “Oh no she di-int!”. Thanks girl, I needed that. Suede declares Hedda is “such soggy lettuce”. Oh no HE di-int!
Tim makes his rounds – and this time brings Chris with him. For the first time this season, Tim doesn’t look like he wants to jump off the roof of the Atlas Apartment building – he looks like he’s having a good time. Tim loves a hot tranny mess.
They seem to likee Korto’s “woman in heat” dress for Sweetie, and Chris gives her some suggestions about showing off Sweetie’s legs. According to Tim, Tango has created a “Pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park” – which Tango claims is the “greatest compliment”. Actually, for this challenge it probably is. And Tim and Chris really likee the Joe/Varla collaboration. Not nearly as much as JOE is going to like the Joe/Varla “collaboration”.
They don’t seem to likee Keith’s usual “toilet paper in a windstorm” fringe look for Sherry Vine. All Chris can say is “wow” – but he might have been looking at Keith’s pecs and not his shoddy garment.
Suede whines to Tim and Chris about Hedda’s meanness, and they both agree that Suede should make the bitch wear the Brussels sprout gloves.
Finally, Tim thinks Daniel’s aristocratic flamenco dress isn’t over-the-top enough, but Daniel is “not worried about Tim’s critique”. If that doesn’t set off alarm bells in your head, nothing will. Daniel asks Tango to try it on, maybe because Blayne has the closest complexion match to Daniel’s Guatemalan Mama.
It’s now the morning of the runway show, and it’s official – Stella is a corpse. Next week will be the “Weekend At Stella’s” challenge. JerHell and Tango crack me up by making Wookie noises while making fun of Keith’s “Wookie Onesie” dress. But then again, I’m a Star Wars nerd – and Wookie jokes are funny to me. But when Sherry Vine sees the Wookie couture, she doesn’t seem happy. “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope…”
Suede and Hedda have a private chat: head-to-Hedda. Suede has taken everything Hedda said into consideration, dismissed it, and is making her wear the Godzilla-gloves. Hedda, sensing a dramatic on-air moment, hugs and makes up with Suede.
The “girls” get the Tresemme and L’Oreal hair and makeup treatment – I just wonder how much crap they stole off the Bluefly.com wall. The ever-classy Stella explains to us that “these BROADS aren’t classy!”. Most of them wear “tacky shit on stage” (especially if Suede is designing it). I love it that Burnout Stella thinks these bitches lack “class”. On next week’s Everyday Living With Stella, our hostess makes Bananas Foster!
It’s time for the fiercest runway show in the history of Project Runway. Work, bitches!!
Farrah Moans shows off Stankley’s “Marilyn Monroe meets Vegas Showgirl”.
Miss Understood models Tango’s gay Pterodactyl, but one of the wings falls off. It’s extinctalicious.
Varla Jean Merman WORKS her “Anne Margaret on the Love Boat” outfit, and will be WORKING Joe back at the Atlas apartments later tonight.
Hedda, sensing her on-screen time will soon be up, hams it up and down the runway. She looks like what you would get if you crossed Godzilla with a barnacle in a lettuce patch. I hope Suede’s dead grandfather is happy.
Acid Betty works her Gene Simmons meets Diana Ross in Japan look and Terri gives us a “You go, Girl!”. I get the feeling Terri thought she was going on Jerry Springer and not Project Runway, since she seems to know the lingo.
Sweetie ROCKED the runway in red, Sharon Needles looked like Judy Jetson on crystal meth (but in a good way), Sherry Vine resembled a skinny Wookie Hooker, and Annida Greenkard looked like a Guatemalan Beach Ho.
After the show, Heidi announces that Keith, Korto, Joe, Terri, JerHell, and Daniel should remain. The rest are safe and leave the stage. Suede says a silent prayer of thanks to Grandpa Greenthumbs.
The guest judge this week is Rupaul, who put on a bargain-basement wig for the occasion. Seriously girl, whatever happened to “Supermodel of the World”? You need to discard that ratty wig. Foreals.
The judges likee:
Terri’s “Super Samurai” look was “heaven”. Michael Kors wanted Acid Betty’s boots. That’s okay – Betty stole them from the Bluefly wall.
Joe’s “fantastic” look for Varla – which showed off her ass(ets). It also hid her “candy” – which Joe will taste later this evening. Sorry, I couldn’t resist…
Korto’s “fire” look for Sweetie. Michael Kors thinks Sweetie is ready for Victoria’s Secret, but unfortunately they don’t make a 44D.
The judges no likee:
Keith’s look for Sherry Vine. He was going for “Sex Kitten Tina Turner”, but ended up with a Wookie Onesie. Be fearful of the dark side, Keith should.
JerHell’s outfit – worn by the beautiful (?) LeMay. Popped collar or no, that Ho wasn’t cute – and neither was the dress.
Daniel’s look for Annida Greenkard. Now she’s Annida GreenkandAndADecentOutfit. When asked why he didn’t go over the top (which was the challenge, after all), Daniel whined that something ‘gaudy’ would have made him ‘throw up’. Rupaul responds with: “Hello! Drag!!” and schools Daniel that a Tranny Ho cannot make “those coins” in a crappy South Beach summer dress. Do not stand between a drag queen and her coins … or the Bluefly.com accessories wall.
The six remaining designers line back up for the results. Terri is safe, and Joe is the winner. Terri looks mad, and Joe looks horrified when he remembers all the things he promised Varla if she got him the win. You go girl!
This means that Korto is also safe – as is JerHell.
Keith and Daniel remain on the runway – and Daniel has his typical “I cannot believe I am in the bottom two after all I have impeccable taste and everyone at my private boarding school thought so” look on his face.
Let’s see?...Hot sexy hunk or whiny skinny rich kid who didn’t listen to Tim’s advice?...
Guess who went home? Buh-Bye Daniel!
It’s morning in Manhattan, and it looks like someone tainted Stella’s heroin with Drāno. Seriously, someone poke her and see if she’s still with us. Otherwise, next week’s challenge will be: “design an outfit to wear to a junkie’s funeral”.
Onto the runway we go. Heidi introduces this week’s special guest – Season 4 designer Chris March. Chris comes out in Disco Viking Drag – and gives us his signature laugh and a cheerful “Hey Guys!”.
This week’s challenge will be to design an over-the-top look for a drag queen. One by one the “ladies” introduce themselves and then the designers get to pick their clients in random order. Here are some of the matchups:
Tango and Miss Understood, who “eats sequins for breakfast”. I wonder if she has a taste for “gay little grommets”?
Sweetie (“New York’s big-titted honky soul mama”) and Korto. “Watch out, it might rot your teeth”, Sweetie warns when Korto announces that she likes sweets.
Hedda Lettuce – professional camera-whore and comedienne – with Suede. Hedda wants Suede to make her as pretty as Heidi, or she’ll kill him. It looks like I may not have to neck-stab Suede after all…
Annida Greenkard and Daniel. Daniel picks Annida because he likes the Spanish aristocratic vibe she projects. That’s funny, she’s projecting “Guatemalan Tranny Hooker” to me.
Sherry Vine and Keith. Keith does his usual ass-kiss and picks Sherry for her “sexy legs”. I’m sorry, but it looks like those knobby knees have been ‘road tested’ – up and down the West Side Piers.
Acid Betty and Terri. Terri LOVES drag queens and I love Terri more and more each week. Betty describes herself as the fiercest “hybrid drag queen”. With gas prices these days, do you blame her?
Finally, the fabulous Varla Jean Merman and Average Joe. Varla moved to NYC a couple of years after I did. She was fat and raunchy - now she’s svelte and lady-like. It seems that she and I have done the old switcheroo – I used to be svelte and lady-like, and now I’m fat and raunchy. Ain’t life funny?
Back in the workroom, Tim gives the designers some advice: follow your client’s individual persona, and go over the top. And after all is said and done, the outfits will be auctioned off to benefit Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. They will have 30 minutes to meet with their clients, and then $200 to spend at Mood.
The girls enter, and Hedda immediately starts screaming Suede’s name. She is NOT going to let her 15 minutes of national television exposure pass her by. Hedda has a few simple requests regarding her outfit: shiny, pop, glamour, rainbows, Surround Sound, unicorns, Gossip Girl logos, and WiFi access – all done tastefully, of course. Miss Understood lovingly suggests a simple bag for Hedda’s face.
Varla meets with Joe – and Average Joe is now Overwhelmed Joe. He doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. But I will tell you this: Joe resembles every “straight” guy who ever walked into a Tranny Bar in order to find a “lady”. Joe tries to keep himself focused by saying this will be like designing a Halloween costume for his daughter. Just keep repeating that to yourself Joe, and maybe the swelling in your pants will go down…
Daniel wants to do a couture version of a flamenco dancer, Korto is giving “full-sized” Sweetie some full-sized flames, and Stella wants to “grommet everything” for Luisa Verde. Off they go to Mood for shopping.
At Mood, the Sequins and Lamé Department gets ransacked, and Terri gives us a “cha-ching-ching-CHING!” as she spends her last dollar at the register. Someone give homegirl her own show – NOW.
Back in the workroom, Average Joe has turned into Tranny Joe and has put on Varla’s bra and boobs. Joe even gives us a convincing “You better work!”. He better keep thinking about that daughter, because I do NOT want to see Joe’s hairy ass in leather chaps at next year’s Gay Pride Parade.
My girl Terri is working on the serious tip. She has dealt with drag queens before – and she knows they are NO JOKE. Terri is doing an 80’s punk kimono and leggings for Acid Betty – the “hybrid” drag queen. And by “hybrid”, Betty means: “I don’t feel like wearing boobs so I’ll pretend to be androgynous”. Lazy queen…
We get our usual Tangolicious montage – and it’s as annoying as ever. Tango is SUCH a Mango wannabe – even reenacting the “what would your drag name be?” conversation from last season. Korto had the best answer: “Annoyedlicious”. Even “Silent Fashion Assassin” Leanne has had enough. Tango better watch out or Leanne might silently sneak into his room one night and cut out his voiceboxalicious.
Day number 2 rolls around, and we have the WTF moment of the episode: Suede claims to have a vision. A vision of his garden-loving grandfather. And in this vision, Suede’s grandfather was scattering seeds. Bibb lettuce seeds, to be exact. And this, somehow, prompts Suede to make gloves with little Brussels Sprouts on them for Hedda. I would have paid money if Terri would have said “Girl, you have done gone and lost your mind!”. But Terri stays silent, and Suede continues sewing.
The models come in for a fitting – and this time they’re out of drag and unrecognizable. Tango said that Alex (Miss Understood) is a “normal, short little Mexican dude”. Good Lord, that means we have one Guatemalan and one Mexican up in here – does Lou Dobbs know about this?!? What happened to protecting our borders from these sequined savages?!?
Acid Betty is certainly not Ugly Betty – he’s actually a very attractive man. Those hybrids are SHARP – and economical! And Varla Jean has some ideas for Joe – I wonder if any of them involve his tongue?…
JerHell’s model LeMay keeps talking about her “gorgeous face”, similar to Daniel talking about his “impeccable taste” or Joe’s “love of vagina”. JerHell isn’t taking any chances, and is creating a huge collar to try and hide his client’s ‘beautiful’ face.
Hedda is NOT happy with her outfit – saying it looks “barnacle-ly” and “Godzilla-ish”. Or was that Godzillalicious? Hedda accuses Suede of being too lazy to make sleeves – creating gloves instead. Suede is so upset, he gives up the 3rd-person-speak completely. Hedda explains that she is making these suggestions “out of love … just get it right!” Terri overhears their exchange and finally gives us a “Oh no she di-int!”. Thanks girl, I needed that. Suede declares Hedda is “such soggy lettuce”. Oh no HE di-int!
Tim makes his rounds – and this time brings Chris with him. For the first time this season, Tim doesn’t look like he wants to jump off the roof of the Atlas Apartment building – he looks like he’s having a good time. Tim loves a hot tranny mess.
They seem to likee Korto’s “woman in heat” dress for Sweetie, and Chris gives her some suggestions about showing off Sweetie’s legs. According to Tim, Tango has created a “Pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park” – which Tango claims is the “greatest compliment”. Actually, for this challenge it probably is. And Tim and Chris really likee the Joe/Varla collaboration. Not nearly as much as JOE is going to like the Joe/Varla “collaboration”.
They don’t seem to likee Keith’s usual “toilet paper in a windstorm” fringe look for Sherry Vine. All Chris can say is “wow” – but he might have been looking at Keith’s pecs and not his shoddy garment.
Suede whines to Tim and Chris about Hedda’s meanness, and they both agree that Suede should make the bitch wear the Brussels sprout gloves.
Finally, Tim thinks Daniel’s aristocratic flamenco dress isn’t over-the-top enough, but Daniel is “not worried about Tim’s critique”. If that doesn’t set off alarm bells in your head, nothing will. Daniel asks Tango to try it on, maybe because Blayne has the closest complexion match to Daniel’s Guatemalan Mama.
It’s now the morning of the runway show, and it’s official – Stella is a corpse. Next week will be the “Weekend At Stella’s” challenge. JerHell and Tango crack me up by making Wookie noises while making fun of Keith’s “Wookie Onesie” dress. But then again, I’m a Star Wars nerd – and Wookie jokes are funny to me. But when Sherry Vine sees the Wookie couture, she doesn’t seem happy. “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope…”
Suede and Hedda have a private chat: head-to-Hedda. Suede has taken everything Hedda said into consideration, dismissed it, and is making her wear the Godzilla-gloves. Hedda, sensing a dramatic on-air moment, hugs and makes up with Suede.
The “girls” get the Tresemme and L’Oreal hair and makeup treatment – I just wonder how much crap they stole off the Bluefly.com wall. The ever-classy Stella explains to us that “these BROADS aren’t classy!”. Most of them wear “tacky shit on stage” (especially if Suede is designing it). I love it that Burnout Stella thinks these bitches lack “class”. On next week’s Everyday Living With Stella, our hostess makes Bananas Foster!
It’s time for the fiercest runway show in the history of Project Runway. Work, bitches!!
Farrah Moans shows off Stankley’s “Marilyn Monroe meets Vegas Showgirl”.
Miss Understood models Tango’s gay Pterodactyl, but one of the wings falls off. It’s extinctalicious.
Varla Jean Merman WORKS her “Anne Margaret on the Love Boat” outfit, and will be WORKING Joe back at the Atlas apartments later tonight.
Hedda, sensing her on-screen time will soon be up, hams it up and down the runway. She looks like what you would get if you crossed Godzilla with a barnacle in a lettuce patch. I hope Suede’s dead grandfather is happy.
Acid Betty works her Gene Simmons meets Diana Ross in Japan look and Terri gives us a “You go, Girl!”. I get the feeling Terri thought she was going on Jerry Springer and not Project Runway, since she seems to know the lingo.
Sweetie ROCKED the runway in red, Sharon Needles looked like Judy Jetson on crystal meth (but in a good way), Sherry Vine resembled a skinny Wookie Hooker, and Annida Greenkard looked like a Guatemalan Beach Ho.
After the show, Heidi announces that Keith, Korto, Joe, Terri, JerHell, and Daniel should remain. The rest are safe and leave the stage. Suede says a silent prayer of thanks to Grandpa Greenthumbs.
The guest judge this week is Rupaul, who put on a bargain-basement wig for the occasion. Seriously girl, whatever happened to “Supermodel of the World”? You need to discard that ratty wig. Foreals.
The judges likee:
Terri’s “Super Samurai” look was “heaven”. Michael Kors wanted Acid Betty’s boots. That’s okay – Betty stole them from the Bluefly wall.
Joe’s “fantastic” look for Varla – which showed off her ass(ets). It also hid her “candy” – which Joe will taste later this evening. Sorry, I couldn’t resist…
Korto’s “fire” look for Sweetie. Michael Kors thinks Sweetie is ready for Victoria’s Secret, but unfortunately they don’t make a 44D.
The judges no likee:
Keith’s look for Sherry Vine. He was going for “Sex Kitten Tina Turner”, but ended up with a Wookie Onesie. Be fearful of the dark side, Keith should.
JerHell’s outfit – worn by the beautiful (?) LeMay. Popped collar or no, that Ho wasn’t cute – and neither was the dress.
Daniel’s look for Annida Greenkard. Now she’s Annida GreenkandAndADecentOutfit. When asked why he didn’t go over the top (which was the challenge, after all), Daniel whined that something ‘gaudy’ would have made him ‘throw up’. Rupaul responds with: “Hello! Drag!!” and schools Daniel that a Tranny Ho cannot make “those coins” in a crappy South Beach summer dress. Do not stand between a drag queen and her coins … or the Bluefly.com accessories wall.
The six remaining designers line back up for the results. Terri is safe, and Joe is the winner. Terri looks mad, and Joe looks horrified when he remembers all the things he promised Varla if she got him the win. You go girl!
This means that Korto is also safe – as is JerHell.
Keith and Daniel remain on the runway – and Daniel has his typical “I cannot believe I am in the bottom two after all I have impeccable taste and everyone at my private boarding school thought so” look on his face.
Let’s see?...Hot sexy hunk or whiny skinny rich kid who didn’t listen to Tim’s advice?...
Guess who went home? Buh-Bye Daniel!
Next week: NO RECAP FROM ME. Check back next week to find out why…
