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My Dating Philosophy

Kathy, You In Danger Girl

... 'cause if you don't get your hands off my M-A-N, ima hafta CUT YOU.

Source: Dlisted

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White Cuties & Hispanic Honeys ONLY!

Alternate Title: Straight Guys Are Weird - Part II

Harlem resident Malik Turner is 40 years old, lives with his Moms and is finding it difficult to meet women for some reason. Turner is tired of the bar scene and doesn't trust internet dating - so he decided to post some extremely specific, hand-written notes on phone booths around the city to drum up interest. This guy is obviously a marketing genius.

Personally, I don't know why meeting women is so difficult for Malik, for the following reasons...

• He is on a one-man crusade to bring back the fannypack - especially the red and black "I♥NY" version. Sexxxxxaaaaayyy!
• Malik has a J-O-B working as a Sorter/Bagger for UPS. We're talking HEALTH BENEFITS and 3 'PERSONAL DAYS' PER YEAR here ladies!
• He is obviously open to meeting a wide range of women, just as long as they are between 21-45 years-old, have long blond or red hair, are big-chested, voluptuous (but NOT FAT), have a gorgeous face and long nails. Also, she must not smoke and must be willing to pay for every other date they go on (NO GOLDDIGGERS). In addition, she must wear mini-skirts and daisy dukes and spiked heels (5-6 inches). Oh ... and she can't be a Tranny but she must be a whore promiscuous. After all, is it wrong for a gentleman to have some vague guidelines for the women he is trying to meet?
• Also, only the most pristine and desirable ladies can be found in and around NYC's phone booths - so he is definitely targeting the right market.

Possible drawbacks? Malik likes the Mets and the Rangers (LOSERS!) as well as Atlantic City (DEGENERATE GAMBLER!). Oh, and then there's the minor detail of a 40-year-old man living with his Moms ... but I'm sure she's an absolute doll.  After all, Mama raised herself quite a remarkable son.

So ladies ... what are you waiting for??

Source

Calvin Klein Dating 20-Year-Old Model

Fashion icon Calvin Klein, 67, has raided the local Preschool and got himself a Youngin' !  The attractive blond 20-year-old is named "Nick" (last name varies), and the couple has been seen around NYC and in the Hamptons since May.

Gawker did some digging and found out that Nick was a model with a Model Mayhem profile.  A few hours after they posted this information, the Model Mayhem page was deleted.  THEN they discovered that Nick had also been a {{cough, hack, cough}} "movie actor" under a different name. Escándalo!

Read more HERE - and have a Happy Hump Day!!  Because you KNOW Calvin is...

The Taylors Have Broken Up

Us Weekly reports that hot young gayling Taylor Lautner (my gaydar doesn't lie) and singer Taylor Swift have ended their "relationship".

Check out this extremely telling quote:

"It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends," a source close to Swift, 20, tells Us. "There was no chemistry."

Shocking!  I imagine Lautner's people are busy trying to line him up another beard shopping partner best galpal girlfriend as we speak.  I wonder if Renee Zellweger is available - she has TONS of beard experience.  Oh, that's right, Renee is currently "dating" Bradley Cooper.

Gee - talk about "chemistry".

Padma's Daddy of the Day

Top Chef hostess with the mostess, Padma Lakshmi, is reportedly bang... er DATING billionaire Ted Forstmann. If you are easily offended by d*ck talk, do not click HERE to read the short (but hilarious) blog post from Dlisted.