Last time on The Fashion Show: Ultimate Collection of Douchenozzles, David was sent home and Dominique had a sadd. Actually, she still has a sadd – and spends her nights weeping in David’s old bed. Srsly.
The fashiontestants are summoned downtown to an event space which was some kind of house of worship in a past life. The six remaining designers are greeted by Iman, who is standing beside a tuxedo-wearing midget holding a velvet bag.
Iman informs the designers that they won’t be working as houses this week – but as “couples”. Everyone immediately has a Dominique-esque sadd, because no one wants to work with Calvin. Calvin has a sadd too, because “these people are a f*(king nightmare”. That's right Calvin, it’s not you, it’s THEM.
The midget with the bag, it turns out, isn’t a midget at all – he’s actually a Hobbit ring-bearer carrying 6 Magic Rings. Each designer must pull out a ring from the bag, pair up, and then take their rings to Mordor and throw them into the fires of Mount Doom before Gollum/Calvin can reclaim his “Precious” and live forever. Or something.
Rings are pulled and poor Cindy ends up with Gollum…
Dominique is paired with Jeffrey and Eduardo is paired with Cesar. Cindy briefly considers throwing HERSELF into the fires of Mount Doom so she doesn’t have to deal with Calvin – moaning “Why Me?!?”
Iman informs the Fellowship of the Silk Charmeuse that their challenge this week will be to create “wedding looks” for gay couples.
Eduardo/Cesar and Dominique/Jeffrey will work with 2 cute lesbian couples – and Gollum/Cindy will work with adorable gay male couple. Sounds wonderful, right??
Well, not so much. At this point we get the first of about 5,000 different quips about how “big” the gay couple is – mostly from Calvin. And let me tell you – if they are “big” then I’m Jabba the Hutt’s fat cousin with the slow metabolism and a thyroid condition.
At first I was like “Oh this is GREAT – I can really put the stank on Calvin for being such a nasty “unt-cay” (ya’ll DO speak Pig Latin, right??) toward these two adorable gay boys". But the “fat” remarks just kept coming and coming and coming – and this is where my recap turns into a rant…
I found most of this episode offensive on so many levels. Calvin was SUCH an insufferable bitch to his clients – ignoring and belittling one man’s Korean heritage, constantly complaining about how fat they were, and generally acting like a repulsive, oozing pimple on the ass of Satan. I thought FOR SURE Calvin was going home. How could he remain after acting so horribly???
Isaac wasn’t much better - making quips about how “different” it was to be working with “thin lesbians” and “bigger homosexuals” (because all lesbians are fat and all gay men are fit and trim) – as well as giggling at Calvin’s fat jokes. It reminded me of how much I hated Isaac last season.
Cindy didn’t win any points in my book either – saying she had issues with the whole gay marriage thing because she was “raised Catholic” – where marriage is between one man and one woman. How about one priest and many young boys??
There was just so much negativity during this episode that I can’t possible write an entertaining recap about it. You know ME – I can sometimes turn around a boring and/or uneventful episode and create a mildly entertaining recap. But a REPULSIVE episode?? I don’t think so. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still just Sarah Palin wearing lipstick.
In the end, Cindy loses – which really wasn’t fair. Cindy was the only one who had to make true menswear (yes, two of the lesbians wanted boyish clothes,but it was still womenswear - and Calvin made a Korean-inspired gown for his guy). PLUS Cindy had to work with that disgusting piece of trash know as Calvin Tran – which, at best, would be distracting. And at worst would drive a person to murder. At least it would have been that way with me.
But what do I know – I’m just a fat queen, so my feelings obviously shouldn’t count.
Final Note: Judging by Iman's sweet and concerned reaction to Cindy's departure, I have a feeling the producers had a HUGE hand in making sure Calvin remained to stink up the joint for another week. Which makes this episode even MORE disgusting.
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